Email 1412
by Zeodyme Delacross
Summary: If it had been a normal day, I wouldn't have minded one of my favorite characters appearing on my desktop. Much thanks to the original writers who came up with this idea for allowing me to join the fun!
1. Chapter 1

Inspired by the fun had by DireSphinx, 66ButterflyOfDarkness99, s2lou, and katiesparks. Full credit to you!

Yay! My turn to join the randomness and attempt a CRACK! fic.

I do not own Detective Conan/Case Closed, Magic Kaito, or any other anime mentioned.

Summary: If it had been a normal day, I wouldn't have minded one of my favorite characters appearing on my desktop.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been an off day, to say the least. It was like my good luck had withered and died to be replaced by misfortune. I hissed as I slid off my backpack, that thing seemed heavier every time I picked it up.

I cannot say how lovely it was to come home and bask in the air conditioning. With that and a bottle of green tea, I was well on my way to relaxing in my room. Then I had to be stupid and get on the laptop. In my defence, it had been a few days since I last checked my email.

There was one in the box that was from an unfamiliar address. I thought it was one of my friends who constantly changed thiers. The subject only said "1412". These numbers seemed so familiar, but I just couldn't place them. Where had I seen that particular combo before?

"Oh well. Who are you?" I murmured, clicking the email.

Instead of opening and loading a regular email my screen was suddenly filled with an expanding cloud of pink smoke. I blinked before my automatic reaction, trained into me by my friends, kicked in.

"GAH!!! Evil pink cloud! Begone!" I yelled at the screen.

A rather amused chuckle reached my ears. I turned to glare towards the entrance to my room, but there was no one there. For a few seconds I was very confused, then I got up and checked. My door had not been touched since I'd come in. The only person around was my little brother, but he was reading fanfiction on the main computer. Three rooms away.

I shrugged it off and climbed back onto my bed. That's when I saw that the pink smoke had cleared and in its place was a grinning white-clad male. Having landed but a few inches from the screen I looked at the very detailed figure for a few seconds before it clicked.

'Oh. OH!! Wow. Okay, don't switch into fangirl mode. It's only---oh rats-'

"Kaito Kid!" I squeed.

The Kid figure grinned wider and bowed slightly, raising his hand to his hat.

"The one and only," came Kid's voice.

"Oh cool! How did they make such a life-like Kid icon?"

I scooted the mouse over to him, intending to download and save the file. What happened instead was when the mouse icon's point touched him in the side he let out a high pitched sound and jumped. Kaito then proceeded to bat at the arrow, making it fly to the other side of the screen. I stared, stunned, before I remembered something I'd found out earlier this week.

Some of my favorite authors had posted that they had been visited by what at first had appeared to be a Kaito Kid icon. Only he would react to what you did and said, plus he could mess with your files. A few had gotten Aoko as well, though now that I looked she wasn't on my screen. However, they had come because of some of the fics the authors had written. But I didn't have any of my Detective Conan fics posted yet, so why was Kaito Kid on my screen?

"That's a very good question," the thief stated.

...Right, I forgot they mentioned the ability to read minds. I frowned slightly at Kaito while I tried to clear my mind. Then I asked him out loud the question from earlier.

"Why are you on my computer?"

"Funny story that. See when I left the last computer with Aoko I got sent out a different way."

"...You got lost, didn't you?" I deadpanned.

Kaito froze and twitched. He had been looking around my email page and room. His reaction confirmed my suspisions and made me grin.

"Careful Kid. Your poker face is slipping."

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Where am I anyway?"

Oooh, dilema! If I told him my real name I'd be exposed, and if I said my username he'd be back for vengence once I'd posted some of my fics. What to do, what to do? Stall, of course!

"You're in my computer, obviously," I said, humor coloring my voice.

"Very funny. You a comedian?"

"No. I'm part of the Black Organization."

It was with no little amount satisfaction that I watched Kaito's face become almost as white as his suit. I hadn't meant to say that, but my brain-mouth filter wasn't working due to the type of day I'd had. The thief started slowly shifting towards the edge of the screen, prompting me into action. I didn't want my fun to end so soon.

"Oy. It was a joke. You know, funny ha-ha?"

"That was NOT funny."

"Sorry," I soothed. "I didn't exactly have a good day."

"And this explains you saying something that threatening, how?"

"Eh. Stress equals broken brain-mouth filter. I tend to say things I'd never say otherwise after a bad day."

Kaito tilted his head slightly. Then he put his trade-mark grin back on, poofing up a white rose from nowhere.

"For you," he stated.

"Aaw, you're so sweet! How come you're not like this towards Aoko?"

"Wh-what? I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Come on, everyone knows you have a crush on her. You're just as bad as tantei-kun."

"You know tantei-kun?"

I mentally slapped myself. Of course the thief would perk up at the mention of his favorite victi--er.... detective. This could go bad, very quickly. Kaito didn't know anything about me since I normally only write fanfiction and don't post it. If he were to find out about those...

'Argh! Not now, concentrate!' I thought desperately.

"Er... Yes... No... Sort of..... Hey, what's this I hear about you having candy?"

"IT'S A LIE!!! It's all a lie!"

Kaito shivered, I could tell by he way he blurred for a few seconds, and muttered something that sounded very much like "pinata". I smirked briefly before looking over my shoulder. The thief had been very loud just then, I was a bit worried that someone had heard him. I located my headphones and plugged them in, turning the volume down a bit.

"Just to be clear, you're not here to mess with any of my files?" I asked, leading the subject astray.

"No. Why would I want to do that? You have something I should see?" Kaito asked.

"N-no! Nothing! Why would you even think that?" I laughed nervously.

Dark-pixel eyes narrowed dangerously, and I realized I'd just dug my own grave, put the coffin in it, and jumped in. The male turned and walked to the right side of the screen, reaching upwards. I paled when it was obvious that he was going to minimize the window.

"W-Wait! You don't want to do that!" I squeaked.

"Sure I don't. Let's see what sort of things you have here..."

I grimaced and yanked the headphones out of my ears. It was with sorrow that I watched the window minimize, the passing making Kid's cape flutter. There was a brief, stunned, silence. Then all of his visible skin blanched, and even without the headphones I could clearly hear his tramatized scream.

In an instant he was gone, having run off the side of my computer. I sighed dejectedly, silently cursing my luck. Then again, it seemed Kaito Kid currently had even worse luck.

After all, what were the chances of him arriving in a hardcore yaoi fangirl's computer? And one that had a rather explict fanart backround of Kaito Kid and Hakuba to boot.

I sighed again and went to change the backround to something else. Maybe he'd come back if he saw that it had changed. I did have that rather cute one of Kenshin Himura.....

I turned off and closed the computer. Any other day I would have been estatic to see one of my favorite characters stroll onto my screen. But it had to be today, a bad-luck day. I picked up my tea and sipped at it, thoughtful. He'd probably come back once some of my fics were posted. That was a good thought.

And this time I'd let the mouse stay still. Just to see how he'd react to my aquarium screensaver.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE END (or is it?)

Please review! It's my first attempt at CRACK!

Written to Lady Gaga's Poker Face and Britney Spears Circus. Me no own.

p.s. Should I add another chapter? With Aoko and maybe Conan? Tell me what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

(Stares blankly at mailbox) ...Holy freaking snap!!! (shrieks) Lookit! Reviews! I'm gone for less than three days and my email is swamped with reviews, fav-author-ness, and fav-story-ness! (squees very loudly) OMG!!! (literally bounces off the walls)

(coughs) I'm done now. That was just..... so unexpected! I feel so loved! Thank you!

Anywhoodles, I decided to go ahead and make another chapter for two reasons. One - for my lovely readers, and two - to celebrate the launching of an actual Detective Conan fanfic. Visit my profile to read Twists and Turns! (sorry, shameless self-promotion is not below me)

Me no own, you no sue. Please just read and review!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a very nasty day outside. I think the rain was trying to flood our area. But I did not pity those who had to be outside, for I was home alone! Yes, this one has the house all to herself this day. My college classes were all cancelled due to the weather.

I was in the living room, lounging on the couch, when it happened. A loud noise reached my ears. I thought it came from outside, but who'd be out in this weather? It wasn't time for the mailman to be here yet. I shrug it off and continue playing pinball on the laptop.

That's when I noticed the small clouds of pixel smoke to one side of my screen. Since my current desktop was the Kaito Kid icon (that I use for my fanfiction profile image) I'd done in paint, moving things were not part of it.

I paused my pinball game and turned the volume up. Sure enough, the sounds of struggle got louder. I grinned widely, closed the window, turned the volume back down, and waited. Soon enough there was a muffled curse and a small body flew onto the screen like it had been tossed.

The boy picked himself up and dusted himself off, muttering darkly under his breath. Instead of looking out towards me he turned and stared at my backround. I couldn't stop my laughter when I saw the large sweat drop form on his head. He face-palmed and shook his head before raising his voice.

"Oy! It's safe!" he called.

My screen was suddenly filled with bright streamers. I sighed as I noticed the mess it made, though the cursing from the now multi-colored boy was rather amusing. When things had settled the very familiar figure of Kaito Kid was once again present on my screen. I waved at him playfully.

"Hello again! Why, exactly, did you throw Conan onto my screen?"

"Because he didn't want to risk further brain damage," Conan stated.

"If he didn't look at the backround he'd be safe either way."

"True. But why, pray tell, did you see the need to do this?" the boy asked, waving towards the backround.

I smiled and relaxed further back onto the couch. My gaze flicked to Kid, who was grinning cheekily at my backround.

"I wanted to. It's cute. It annoys almost everyone but him," I stated, pointing at Kid. "And I constantly change my backround anyways. You just came when it was up."

"He did not need this ego boost."

"Hey! I'm right here!"

"Really? I didn't notice, you blend so well with my backround!"

Conan laughed at the now stuttering thief. Kaito glared at him and moved closer to the boy. Suddenly a smoke cloud (white this time, thankfully) covered Conan's body. A squeak sounded from said cloud. I could see Kid's arms moving on the outside, but what he was doing was anyone's guess for now.

Then he stepped back and the smoke started to clear. And I just could not stop myself. The laughter bubbled up and out very quickly at the sight of Conan dressed as a mini-Kaito Kid. For a few seconds he didn't notice, but since he'd been in the smoke he knew to check himself for missing items. What he found instead was his new outfit.

Several very un-child-ish words left his mouth. It only made me laugh harder, since my comptuer automatically replaces curse words with random sounds. So what I heard was ridiculous noises. It seemed they could hear the edited version as well, because Conan soon stopped and Kaito was laughing just as hard as I was.

That's when the infamous wrist watch showed up. Conan had it trained on Kid, but it sobered us both. A single eyebrow raised and I spoke up.

"You missed a spot," I stated.

"You try getting that thing off of him," Kid shot back.

"No thanks, I'm good. Er... Conan, would you please put away the sleep-inducing watch?"

"Only if he swears not to do any more tricks."

"Kid, _please_ say you won't do any more tricks."

"But that would be a lie."

I groaned and shook my head. This was going nowhere fast. Maybe if I led them in a different, non-violent direction... Oh rats.

"As much as I feel like I will regret asking this, why are you two here?"

"Right, you tell her Conan."

Conan glared at Kaito Kid before he, rather reluctantly, lowered his watch and turned to face me. I quickly found I preferred it when the white-clad thief had his attention instead of me.

"You are Zeodyme Delacross, correct?"

"..."

Incognito---busted. Alibi---non-existant. Denial? With all those reviews? No freaking way.

"I am. What's up, tantei-kun?"

"Your writing, that's what! How could you make me act like that?!?"

"I wasn't that off. If you think of the circumstances leading up to the event itself it's not that unplausible."

"She has a point, tantei-kun."

"Be quiet you!"

"Yes, wait your turn. You get yours in later chapters."

Then there was silence. Both sets of eyes were turned onto me. I briefly wondered just what I'd said. Then my un-asked question was answered for me.

"You have more chapters written already?" asked Conan.

"What did you do?" demanded Kid.

"Er.... I plead the fifth?"

"Kaito..."

"On it."

Kaito pulled up the start menu and opened the My Documents window. They searched through it while I started panicking. If they found the rest of the fic--oh I didn't want to think about it! What could I do??? ....Oh! Idea!

"Look, shiny!" I cried, pointing to the backround.

Kaito Kid automatically looked, but Conan turned and pointed the much-feared watch at me. Plan A status--- Kaito Kid - failed, Conan - suceeded, me - utter defeat. I sighed and scooted back a bit more. Well if that didn't work...

"I can't believe you fell for that," Conan stated.

"Shut up. Hey! Isn't that a flash drive?"

"Yeah. Check it."

Oh snap! Okay, plan B...... I really didn't want to use that, but I had no choice.

"Computer activate program 'stalker-f', target foreign program 'Kaito Kid'," I said quickly.

"Hey! No talking!" Conan yelled.

"Sorry, too late! Watch and learn, tantei-kun."

"Watch what? I don't see anything different," the boy said, looking around. "Hey thief, you see anything?"

"....Fheh...."

Conan turned to look at Kaito, who was unable to answer. His skin was pale, even more so then during 'the incident' the last time he'd been on my computer. This was because he was staring down his greatest foe. A brightly-colored fish.

"Aaaiieeee! It's Kaito Kid!!! Can I have an autograph?!?"

Did I mention it's a talking, moving, stalker fish? No? My bad. I'd had a tech friend make it after the last round with the thief, just in case.

"Fheh-ph-f-F-FIIIIIIIIIIIISH!!!" Kaito screeched.

I smirked as the chase began. The thief ran round and round my computer screen, climbing the sides and even bouncing off the top to stay away from the fish. He almost hit Conan, several times, but the boy managed to dodge. A few times my program almost had him cornered, making him scream very loudly. But he would poof to a different section of my screen and it wuld start all over again.

Eventually I got tired of watching and opened a small window near the top of the screen. I prepared it while the two males were convenantly distracted, then drew thier attention.

"Oy! If you want to escape the fish, grab Conan and jump in here!"

"W-wait! Don't listen to her!" Conan shouted.

But it was too late. Kaito picked Conan up, bounced off one side of my screen, and fell into the window. I hit the 'SEND' button as soon as they had cleared the edge.

In less than a second silence returned to my computer. I sighed gratefully and looked to the rather put-out fish.

"End program 'stalker-f'."

With a small "pop" the fish disappeared. I smirked briefly before I started on the tedious work of cleaning my desktop of Kid's mess. If I put it off I'd never be done. As I worked one little thought wouldn't leave me alone. It wasn't guilt at having sent one panic-y thief and one miffed mini-detective to my 'innocent' friend's email box.

It was --- Was Kaito Kid really so scared of fish he couldn't think to just dive off the edge of my screen in order to get away from one?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Conan got a turn to vent a little! And Kaito... was being himself. The whole mini-Kid thing is a bit of a private joke, as is the stalker fish. (of doom)

I think that's it for me. I have no more ideas. I shall send them to pester a good friend of mine so that the chain may go on!

B-chan, if you're reading this you know who you are! Yes, I'm cursing you to have the thief in your mailbox. No, you cannot get out of it.

Good luck! (laughs evilly)


End file.
